I thought it was about time to finally refresh our home. It’s been the same design for a little too long. Plus, I’m working from home now so I have to look at everything a lot more often. I keep hearing that retro style is back in style, but in a slightly updated way. I’m not so sure what that means, but one of our friends had a bar cart and I thought it was so cool that I decided that we should start out with one of those.

I looked online to get some pricing for bar carts and while I was doing that, I ran across some info on sears remodeling. Our kitchen needs an update because it looks retro in an 80s way, not the good way, so we’re going to use them to remodel it for us.

I did find this one really great refurbished vintage bar cart that I think I’m going to buy. I was just so impressed by our friends’ and it’s such a great conversation piece that I think it could really bring something to our home.

It was Saturday night and I was building a website for one of my besties. She does mortgages for a living and we’ve been talking about getting her something online for a couple years. I was really into it and almost tuned out from my surroundings when I saw a FB notification from a friend that was sort of cryptic regarding Whitney Houston but got my attention. So I googled her and learned that she had died. I wonder if I will always see my friend’s homepage when I think of Whitney Houston now? If the past is any indication, I think so.

You know how they always say, “Where were you when JFK died?” Well I wasn’t born. My JFK death would have to be Elvis Presley. My Mom and my Aunts were all crazy fans. I was only 9 but I remember the day clearly.  I was sitting on the living room floor looking at the stereo and listening to an 8 track tape. Bo Donaldson and the Haywoods.  The phone rang and my mom didn’t get it. So I got up to get it. It was one of my aunts. She asked how my mom was. I told her fine, although it occurred to me at that moment that she had been very quiet. That’s when my aunt told me that Elvis had died. It’s as clear as yesterday.

The celebrity death that hit me the hardest was when River Phoenix died. OHHHH man I could still tear up now. As in – I am tearing up right now.  :)  I was getting ready for school and I had a little tv in my room but I didn’t have it on for some reason. My mom came in my room and very gently turned on the tv and sat down with me. We watched the news together and then I went into the bathroom and cried and listened to radio reports. My mom knew that River Phoenix was not my teeny bopper favorite and he wasn’t among the posters on my wall. But I talked about him a lot. I was fascinated by his family, his upbringing, and his artist nature.  She knew I looked up to him and thought he was special.  And he was only a kid. And I was a kid. Teenagers and young adults think life is forever until they learn it isn’t. My Mom died three years later – to the month – and that set my lesson in stone how fragile life is.  The correlation between the deaths probably has something to do with why River still affects me today.

Probably the most unfortunate “Where was I When” is Michael Jackson.  Have I ever told you how many times we have had to tear the toilet out to dig out something that the kids had flushed down the toilet? Well, it happens. And it happened the day MJ died. I was elbow deep past floor flange pulling a pair of my daughter’s shorts out of the toilet. Why? I do not know. But the memory lives on clearly every time the subject of Michael Jackson comes up.

What celebrity was your big “Where were you when…” moment? Do you remember when River died?

When I was growing up we hardly ever went to the doctor or took medicine. My mom used home made remedies to treat minor injuries and infections. She didn’t even let me take my pain medicine when I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Well – she was stingy with them, anyway. She relied more on the gargling and rinsing with natural products than on the drugs. I thought at the time it was because she was so overprotective and afraid of everything. Like afraid of overdosing or addiction, though. It wasn’t until I became older and lived a bit more that I came to see society as a whole addicted to medicine in general. “I’m sick I want to feel better right now give me a pill.”  I thought the homemade remedies were because we needed to save money or because she was from the country. But I can’t help but wonder now, as I do so many things since she passed away and left me to figure out all this grown up stuff on my own, how much of it was paranoid fear and how much was actually the same  frustration I am feeling today? We don’t need to go to the doctor for every ache and cough. And we don’t need to take a pill for everything that ails us.

I have dabbled in aromatherapy and essential oils in the past, on my own. I didn’t in the early days consider that they were actually healing me, I thought it was just a mind thing – like it’s pleasant and took my mind off what ailed me until the ailment naturally passed or the  medicine knocked it out. Natural remedies have been like an accessory to me, does that make sense? When I got out on my own and had good insurance (I always had insurance, it was the being out on my own part that is key there) I started going to the doctor for everything. Why not? It was covered AND it shaved a couple of days off my sickness. But I know I “laughed” many times in my adult life that I am “addicted” to going to the doctor. “I tell you my problems you give me something to make me feel better.” Attention and drugs whenever I needed them. Even if it was just cough syrup. There was something psychological at play there. As I got older and had kids and started paying attention to food reports and drug reports and stuff – things started to not make sense.  And although I could find sources and people “online” that seemed to support my concerns, I hadn’t run across anyone in real life who felt the same way as me. That could be a reflection of my own insecurity in bringing up the topic though, not necessarily that nobody else agreed.

So I ran into this friend I haven’t seen in decades and we start talking. And we realize that we have a lot in common right down to parenting and medicine. Boom! An ally. She has done a lot of work with essential oils and slathered me up in them a lot over the last year whether I’ve been stressed out, having a panic attack, or suffering a belly ache. Within minutes I am feeling better. I am starting to realize that they are less accessory, less “magic”, and more solid health benefit that I ever thought.

How do you feel about the state of medicine today and how we choose to take care of our bodies?

The biggest scam artists to me are telephone, TV, and internet providers. I am sure there are bigger dirtier companies out there, but right now I’m just talking about the most common every day services.  They have over priced and hustled so much that people no longer trust them and as soon as they have other options I believe they will take advantage of them. I believe the problem began about a decade or so ago.  As a whole, our financial situation was healthier. During the 90′s we saw a lot of new fees being invented and our every day bills getting higher.  I remember my Ameritech, Comcast, and Consumer’s bills skyrocketing along with seeing my “trusted” bank eating pieces of my checking and savings accounts when I wasn’t looking. Comcast was the first that started to bundle services, as I recall. I remember saying, “I will never bundle like that. They’re already a monopoly and they’ll just get more bossy and expensive.”  I ended up going to Dish Network where I stayed for many years. When the competition got hot, though, Ameritech (at some point became ATT) was the only one who had any warmth in their customer service – both representatives and policy. I chose them for a while for some of my services but then the price just got stupid. Comcast came up with some better pricing AND I believe has the superior service so in the end, they won out. I bundled.  I hope I stay here and that they continue to deliver a good product and good pricing (their customer service protocol stinks, but 2 out of 3 is something).  It really bothers me that there are no apples to apples comparisons.  And I still think that it would be nice to have more companies to choose from for service. But then again, you still wouldn’t know who to trust.

Such is the case with my energy bill. Consumer’s Energy is on crack with the prices they charge.  I walk around complaining that they have a monopoly and if someone would come about and challenge them, they would have to learn to play more fairly. But then I realize – there have been flyers to come across my desk that offer low cost energy options and I dismiss them as predatory without even giving them a thought. I have it embedded that if they were a great company everyone would have them. But probably everyone is like me and suspicious of new companies!

How do we know though when a company is legit? Is there a seal of approval or something to look for? You can’t even count on the Better Business Bureau anymore so how do go about pursuing more fair practices from our service providers? Sometimes I wonder if the “powers that be” charging us and the “powers that supposed to be” regulating are in cohoots. It’s my only explanation.

I found something fun and new. It’s called SNEAKPEEQ. Have you heard of it? The site highlights unique products from gourmet foods to home products, accessories, and apparel – New discoveries every day! The service is geared toward women who like shopping, finding new products and getting super deals. If that’s you, better check it out! And visit often because there are new items and different bargains every day! Happy peeqing!

I am having a really difficult time with holidays the last few years. I have always over spent on special days because I enjoy elaborate presentations and surprising people/making them happy and such. I learned it from my mom. The first couple years of being a mom were super fun when it came to these special days because I didn’t have budget issues. Money was fine, I had credit cards and a job to pay for them. But over the years things have changed. We tightened our purse strings and get rid of the credit cards. So these day, if there is no money to buy it – it doesn’t get bought. I hate this strategy but it is necessary. Anyway, for the last few years I have put things like Valentine’s Day off until the last minute. I don’t know if it’s always a money issue, or busy, or procrastination or what. You know what? I just figured it out. I am procrastinating because it’s not fun like it used to be. It’s been challenging and exhausting adapting to this smaller budget. But I think I am getting the hang of it because today, almost a full month ahead of time, I just had a Valentine idea. Wanna hear it?

My kids are 12 and 16 now so they are not so big on stuffed animals and plushees but they still like “diddies” as we call them. You know – small inexpensive hand held, non electronic fun things like bouncing balls, Slime, magnets, chinese yoyos, etc. This is great because the stuffed animals are what really add up cash wise. I have plenty of time between now and then to find a couple of cute containers for next to nothing that I can stuff with goodies which ALSO can be found everywhere I go without searching outside the spare change at the bottom of my purse to pay for them. The trick is to avoid the special Valentine stuff. Diddies can be found everywhere – the  dollar store, craft stores, grocery stores… just start looking now every time you go some place. It is very important that I do not spend a lot of money on this because this is just the “presentation” part of the Valentine present. It’s supposed to add swag, but not really value. The value is in the small gift I will pick up when it strikes me – it will be something like a small denomination iTunes card or paperback book along with a heart box of candy.  That’s as big as it gets for Valentine’s Day. MAYbe a funny graphic tee. My kids like those and they’re pretty inexpensive. I don’t really have the details worked out yet, and that’s not what matters. The main thing is that I remembered it 3 weeks in advance and have a plan. The wow moment is going to be dinner.

I often over commit to some new and elaborate dish for special days. It stresses me out and costs a lot of money only for the kids to be like, “oh. Neat.” So this year … Heart shaped homemade pizza! Bam! I’ll prepare the toppings and shape the heart crusts before everyone gets home from home and school so they can just top them and pop them in the oven.  Cranberry Vernors to drink and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert will round it out nicely.  And except for the strawberries and the vegetable pizza toppings, I can buy a little bit at a time so that I don’t have such a big bill on February 13th.

I am weirdly excited about all this advanced planning and do it myself – ing. I think I’m getting more and more settled into the frugal lifestyle every day.  I wonder what you are doing special for your family this Valentine’s Day?

Well here’s what she already did. In a very controlled manner, I took his old cell from him and in an attempt to make a point and simplify my life, I threw it on the floor smashing it into a few pieces. I realize this doesn’t sound very rational, but I was calm. My son had lost all perspective of who was in charge under this roof, and the cell phone had become a constant source of frustration and fighting. So in an instant I removed it from the equation.  I have never looked back but I am sure he has. frequently.

The last few years have been very tough for my son. Of course, looking back it all makes sense now but how could we have known then? Both he and his sister had adapted to our family pretty easily. There are plenty of tantrums, broken items, and meltdowns in our past, but for the first time we were experiencing opposition, bold disobedience and what felt like hatred.  He was literally addicted to virtual reality gaming. Interruptions in his playing made him very angry and irrational. And he was texting constantly. At school, at home, staying up all night… it was affecting his performance at work and at home. Plus I found out he was texting wild tales of abuse and unhappiness at home. That night, after finally getting him calmed down and in bed, after smashing the phone, I thought hard about how we gradually got to this point. I tracked it back to the previous summer and everything seemed connected somehow. So when we got up the next morning I took him to the hospital to be evaluated for drugs/alcohol in his system, and suicide/homicide risk.  On one hand I felt I was being dramatic but in my gut … all that had happened over the last year… something felt wrong. And I’m glad I did. It was then that the hospital enrolled him in a day tratment program which eventually turned into 2 separate full admissions at a behavioral facility.  As it turns out, he had begun having memories from his first 7 years – the time with his biological family and all the bad stuff that he had repressed. His mind was doing all kinds of things to try and protect him from those thoughts.  The problem was it wasn’t protecting him from the FEELINGS he was having associated with those thought in his subconscious. SO the only thing he had to attach those feelings to was the present – and me. Wow right?

So anyway, several months later, here we are. Still facing challenges BUT we’re all madly in love with each other and things are pretty much back to normal EXCEPT that the poor fella is the only kid at school who does not have a cell phone. Now what?

I suppose it is time to try again. I don’t want it to have internet because we have to have solid limits on those types of things. For his healing, not out of any kind of punishment. But there are such good deals on smart phones – like I saw a free Blackberry Torch promotion on new and renewed contracts. The negotiator in me thinks that’s too good a deal to pass up. But the practical side of me knows that the internet feature is going to cause us trouble so we will probably get a nice basic one for now. He will honestly be happy just to have a way to communicate with his friends again.  And honestly I will too, considering that my phone blows up with more messages from his friends than my own!

How do you feel about kids and cell phones, or electronics in general? Do you believe they can amplify behavioral issues?